Picking back up

So that was 2018 and being 35. For all the horrors that await next year, I’ll be glad to be done with this one.

By the end of the Fringe I was completely burned out. It felt like everyone was struggling this August, it was a tough one – and I’d managed to bust my knee in the last days of July, so it didn’t take long to find myself both literally and figuratively limping. Fringe flu got me a few days in, giving me a cough so bad that I cracked a rib, so by the end of the month I was held together by bandages and gaff. I’ve been wanting to write about this year’s Fringe experience ever since, but even now, months later, I don’t have the bandwidth. I was back to work within three hours of Heaven Burns closing and my head has been noisy ever since.

I had anticipated that the anniversary of my mum’s death would be a difficult one. 15 years is a long time, and it had been weirding me out for some time that at 35 I would be 15 years from the last time I saw her and 15 years from reaching the age she was when she died. The schizo brain insists on trying to map all sorts of doom-laden meanings onto that, and events around me were not helping. Much as I hate to get cryptic, I can’t talk about those events – some aren’t my stories to tell, some I don’t have words for. The important thing is that time passed, and the headspace started to recover a bit in November.

I do want to do a Year in Review post and talk about the things I’ve got coming up next year and my goals for 2019, but I think that’ll have to be a separate post. This will do for now.

About jenbitespeople

Edinburgh-based writer, dramaturg and director. Here you'll find posts about my work, mental health, arts politics and whatever else happens to catch my attention. View all posts by jenbitespeople

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